For years, Darren Banks has been
making his way through fields of gore and debris, crunching numbers
and assessing the lucky cast of the next season of Survival of the
Fittest – TV. Now with the playing field of TV irrevocably changed
with the addition of teams, he sits down with us to talk tactics,
sure bets, and his own brief brush with SOTF-TV fame.
---
“I could have been a star, you know
that?”
Darren Banks sits across from me,
sprawled out in his seat. Outside it's a pleasant day in Palm
Springs, although Darren assures me they don't get too many here.
Sitting in at around two-hundred and eighty pounds, Darren Banks says
that he doesn't have many pleasant days.
“I coulda' won,” he continues,
fiddling with the tab on his half-empty can of soda. He looks
wistfully out the window, watching tourists walk by. One wears a blue
jersey, the last name Stadler plastered across the back. Darren Banks
doesn't hide the sad smile that crosses his face. When he speaks
again he's far away.
“I was in Grade Twelve, back when
Season uh, Sixty- no, Fifty-Three, was being picked. I remember
sitting on that fuckin' school bus, blood racing in my veins. No one
wanted to think about it, right? That was the shit that made kids
wake up in the middle of the night piss-scared. Well, some kids. Not
me.”
Darren pauses, letting out a belch and
running the rest of his soda down his throat. When he starts speaking
again he has an excited glint to his speech.
“So, I went to Westmore Heights
High, and up until early May of that year, we were gonna' be the
class, we were going to be celebrities. But things changed- the
highups, they didn't want another California school. That's as close
as an answer as they'll ever give me... bullshit, I know. But for the
first few months of my senior year, I was gonna be famous. Then the
trip came and well, plans changed. My bus to fortune and fame never
showed up. You know the only reason I went on that friggin' trip was
the idea of it being a set-up for the show? I coulda' won. I swear, I
coulda' won.”
With his double chin and his
ballooning waistline, it's hard to take Darren Banks seriously. But
when it comes to the topic of SOTF-TV, Darren has nothing to joke
about. The self-proclaimed “Guru of SOTF-TV” is a veritable
encyclopedia of knowledge when it comes to America's darling, the
blood sport Survival of the Fittest.
“I know everything,” Darren says
adamantly. “Every stat, every name, every school and every damn
kill. I watched the re-runs my dad had taped for me, I livestream
every episode online. I've written articles, books. I'm a self-made
man, and I've got to thank SOTF-TV for everything it's done for me.”
Darren rises from the table, throwing
a twenty down casually on the table for a tip. With a smile to the
waitress he makes his way to the parking lot where his brand new car
sits waiting. He grins at me and thumbs his nose. Darren Banks isn't
lying when he says that SOTF-TV has given him everything; five years
ago, Darren put all his savings down in Vegas, betting on meek,
black-horse Danielle Austen to win Season Sixty-One of Survival of
the Fittest. Be it luck, or as Darren states, a combination of
intuition and knowledge of the inner works of the game, Danielle
surprised everyone and turned Darren's meagre bet into a fortune
overnight. Now, a self-made millionaire, Darren spends his time
refining his betting “technique” and engaging in the massively
popular SOTF-TV subculture.
“I always knew I would be, in uh-,
as in, I would be a SOTF-TV person,” Darren says as we drive back
toward his home.
“That was just who I was, from the
second I saw my first episode uh, Bones' death, Season One on my
Dad's beat-up DVD player, I knew. Shit, this was me, this was my
life! SOTF-TV supporter until the day I die, and I was SO close to
getting on the island. You wouldn't believe the revenge fantasies I
had boiling around in my skull. People think that just cus' I'm fat,
I wouldn't stand a chance. That survival would depend on just raw
luck, a weapon draw.”
Darren shakes his head, giggling to
himself. “Oh, there's always a chance, if you know the secret. But
I'm not tellin'- what's the fun in watching if I go blabbing the
trade secrets?”
----
Despite Darren's insistence on keeping
all the tricks of his trade a secret, he still has plenty to say.
Recently Darren has united with Billy King, another prominent voice
in the SOTF-TV world, and written a book in preparation for the
upcoming season. Based on sixty-five seasons of knowledge, Banks and
King attempt to explain the underlying tactics of the game, how to go
about picking a winner, and for younger viewers, what to do in case
you yourself are stuck in SOTF-TV. And while Darren is tight-lipped
about the contents of the book he was more than happy to sit-in with
us for a brief Q&A!
Q: Thanks for taking the time to stop
in with us, Darren. Shall we begin?
DARREN: Go ahead man, shoot. Let's get
this ball fuckin' rollin'.
Q: You are perhaps one of the most
vocal members of the SOTF-TV community, certainly described as
passionate by your friends. Can you ever foresee a day when SOTF-TV
will shut its doors for good?
DARREN: Ah man, I'm nothin' but a
filthy otaku, that's all. [LAUGHS] I've got to say, honestly? As long
as America is here, land of the free and the brave, SOTF-TV isn't
going anywhere. I'll be watching this show until the day I die, and
the reason is that it's never the same, it can never be! It's
constantly shifting, it can't be predicted.
Q: But you make a living doing just
that, predicting the results of the game. Haven't you said yourself
that there's a formula to figuring out who will win?
DARREN: Not in the way you're thinkin'.
The producers, they know they've got something real and they don't
want to mess with a good thing. Nothing is scripted on SOTF-TV,
everything is live. But you're right, there IS a formula to figure
out who'll win.
Q: Will you divulge even just a part of
how you do it?
DARREN: You can read about it more in
my new book coming out, but sure, I'll oblige ya'. Basically, the
reason why so many people mess-up predicting who will win SOTF-TV is
they're going about it all wrong. They look to take out variables-
weapon draws, physical fitness, anything that will narrow it down to
raw stats. This student is stronger, so on an equal playing field
he'll kill the weaker dude, get it? But you can't remove that stuff.
You can't think of the cast of SOTF-TV as raw data that will always
obey 100% of the time.
Q: So it's luck?
DARREN: No, not luck either. I knew
from the first time I read her profile that Danielle [Austen] would
win her season. I suppose it does take some luck, sure. But at its
core you also need that skill, to deny that part of your brain that
is uh, trying to sort everything into a clear-cut solution. Your gut
sometimes knows best, and your gut never wilfully lies. Take for
example last season, Shawn and Mason. It ended in a coin-flip, of all
fucking things! The stats guys, they were ragin', going nuts. All
this effort trying to calculate their ability to kill, their physical
fitness, cunning, all smashed to ribbons. Because they're only
considered with the raw data, the straight and narrow line. But
SOTF-TV odds are a rough and turbulent sea, and every cast member has
their own little dinky fuckin' boat. Sure, some might be bigger than
others at the start of the storm, but that isn't what matters. I'd
take a sea-worthy paddleboat over a yacht filled with leaks anyday.
Q: So what you're saying is... you
predict the unpredictable?
DARREN: Awh man, I'm shit at
explanations. [LAUGHS] Basically, I don't remove variables. I add
them, I run scenarios over and over in my mind, I study personality,
I study the previous seasons. I collect, I collect, and I don't rule
anything out. That's the basics of it. There's more, actual uh,
scientific formulas I've worked out, but that'd just be spoiling my
book, right?
Q: Let's talk about last season.
Obviously there is a huge shift now, in terms of strategy.
DARREN: People are freakin' out about
it, talking about how this changes everything. And you know what?
They don't get it, they think they do, but they just don't GET it.
This doesn't just change the game, this isn't a costume gimmick. This
is completely revolutionary, a factor that will throw every betting
strategy through a window!
Q: Except yours, of course.
DARREN: Of course, [LAUGHS]. Listen,
SOTF-TV has never been more alive. There were always alliances, but
now there are solid alliances, alliances that the game officially
sanctions and supports. Before, even if alliances were strong, their
failure was inevitable. Only one could survive. But now the rules
have changed and there are thousands of new factors to consider-
Student A's girlfriend is on another team, Student B is on a team
with people who bullied him, Student C wants to play but his
teammates don't want to back him, and Student D, E and G have an uzi,
baseball bat and a stick of gum, and they're going headhunting. And
that doubt is now eliminated in certain individuals, alliances CAN
work, they're allowed to work... but not ALL can work. It isn't going
to be some sort of hippy-love and bromance. Expect the blood to pour
and the ratings to soar this next season.
Q: You sound excited.
DARREN: I'm shaking in my seat just
thinking about it, hah! This isn't even considering the 10-kill
buyout rule. I honestly can't believe they haven't done this sooner.
It truly is a great time to be alive.
Q: So let's move on to Season
Sixty-Six. What can we expect?
DARREN: Well let's look at what the
kids know. First off, the ten-kill buyout? Works like a charm. The
example Karen Ruiz has set will be the long shadow stalking every
player. Expect more aggression, especially from students with solid
weapon draws and individualists. Expect mistrust, even between team
members during the early game. Karen's gambit of tying multiple
bandannas around her arm threw off some people, and that will be
fresh in every students mind. Team-wise, I expect to see a lot more
cooperation. The producers never made a move to invalidate the team
rule, and really, to do so would be counter-productive and idiotic to
the extreme. The confusion of the teams has worn off, everyone knows
about it, and everyone is going to try to get an edge on that front.
In short? This will be an aggressive
game, with no shortage of memorable scenes. I've got a feeling the
producers aren't just going to sit and stew either. I bet you big
money they're thinking up another twist to really spin the team
dynamic on its head.
Q: Can you elaborate?
DARREN: Man, just speculation. But I
tell ya', the odd-makers aren't gonna be sleepin' for awhile.
[LAUGHS]
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